I'm Found Empty Handed
by Lostfan7
Summary: James Ford has finally killed Sawyer. His first assumption was that all his thoughts, anger, and his past would be at rest, but once the trigger is pulled he's soon to find out how wrong he first was.
1. Dead

_Once my soul was astray from the heavenly way I was wretched and vile as could be..._

The night cold and secluded. James "Sawyer" Ford trudged into the motel and unlocked the door to his room. The lights were off and the small space almost appeared haunted. At the moment he preferred the darkness as a companion. His hands still shaking he fell atop the bed, his thoughts raging. His task was complete. The man Sawyer, was dead. Dead... the word danced in the thickness of the air. It suffocated him. Making it hard to breathe. He closed his eyes, but the thought of sleeping frightened him. Guilt and condemnation suppressed him, and he had never felt more alone.

As he lay there in the silence, he replay the action over and over again in his mind. Since their rescue from the island it had been his "obsession". He wanted nothing more to avenge his parents. It had taken him three long years, but finally- finally!

Why did this not comfort him though? Why did it only seem to add to his problem; tormenting him. Haunting. Suddenly he became alert. The motel, more of a dump than anything else, was only one story. There were twenty rooms, a long hallway, and a lobby. He heard foot steps marching towards his room. Or was he imagining them? No. Pounding. The door knob being turned. He jolted from the bed, and made a dash for the window. It was a large frame and could easily be lifted, just big enough for a man of his size to escape. He pushed it open, at first he thought it to be stuck, but with little effort it was obedient. He crawled outside. A chill sent through his entire being. The next days of his life he imagined would be difficult. He heard and assumed they were cops breaking into the room. Then he heard gun shots. Evading them. Most of them.

James felt an acute pain in his upper left shoulder, but he had not time to stop and tend to the wound. He had to run.

XXXX

Claire stood outside on the porch. Letting the wind flow through her long blond hair. Aaron had finally fallen asleep, and now she was much appreciative of some quiet time alone. Life had been good to her since she had been rescued from that island. She and Aaron had finally settled down. She had decided to move them to a small town in Pennsylvania. She had not really cared much for California. Everything had been so busy. She had been able to find a good paying job, working full time at a local library, and got Aaron into a good day care center. He was now two and a half, and she could not stop thinking about how fast the years seemed to be passing.

The country side in Pennsylvania was quiet, and peacefully. She walked mutely to the rocking chair that she had put on one end of the porch and sat down. It squeaked in protest, but complied willingly as she began to rock back and forth.

Crickets chirped, and from a near by tree an owl hooted. The stars overhead glistened with such a splendid magnificent. Then, unrepentantly, rain fell. The sound was soothing, but with it it brought a cold wind, that Claire decided it was time to return inside.

Her home...words which she took pride in, was warm. The TV was playing, and a news broad cast was nearly over, however, Claire decided that whatever it was they were talking about seemed interesting, so she turned up the volume and sat back down in one of the easy chairs.

"A con artist named Sawyer was killed only hours ago. Police say that they had been waiting for a break in the case for several years, and are glad that they cam finally move on. They are not releasing any more information as of yet, but say when they have more substantial evidence we'll be the first to know. I'm Emily Edison and this is Station 19 news at ten. Have a good night." That was the end of the special report, and a commercial break was followed. Sawyer...dead? Could it be? Claire picked up the phone and dialed Kate's number. She would want to know.


	2. Shelter

Two days had come and gone since she had seen the news report. Claire now prepared a small lunch for herself and Aaron, and sang quietly the song catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Aaron gurgled happily from his high chair, he played contented with his few simple toys inin front him. Now, Claire brought her peanut butter sandwich from the counter to the table, and handed Aaron a plate of cut up banana slices.

"Mama sing." Cooed the boy. Claire smiled.

"You like that song don't you?" She asked him. Aaron just smiled, his round cheeks more adorable than ever. She sighed inwardly, he looked more and more like his father every day. The memories seeped through her soul, like a stain that would not be washed away. "Ok." So Claire began to sing the lyrics to the familiar lullaby softly.

_"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket_

_Never let it fade away_

_Catch a falling star an? put it in your pocket_

_Save it for a rainy day_

_For love may come an' tap you on the shoulder_

_Some star-less night_

_Just in case you feel you wanna? hold her_

_You?ll have a pocketful of starlight_

_Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket_

_Never let it fade away_

_Catch a falling star an put it in your pocket_

Save it for a rainy -----" But she paused. Something had slammed into their front door. Was someone there? They weren't expecting anyone.

"Mama sing." Urged Aaron. Claire feigned a smile, hoping it was convincing for the child. She hated the fact that she let such a little noise bother her. However, after their experience on the island she could never been sure of anything anymore. Claire stood up from her seat, and made her way to the living room. The rain was coming down harder than it had all day.

"Maybe-" She began. "Maybe it was just the wind." She tried to convince her self, but her words were not comforting. The noise came again. She opened the door, but not before grabbing a baseball bat from a corner of the room. She held it up, and swung open the screen door, than the thicker door. Unable to stop herself, she screamed when she saw the limp figure of a man leaning against the wall frame.

"Help-" He coughed. He looked up at her, and Claire gasped.

"Sawyer?" She questioned. Though before giving an answer, the man collapsed, falling face first to the floor. Thoughts swarmed her. What were the chances of him ending up on her door step? What had happened to him. But now, Claire fell to her knees. She lifted him so that she could see his face which was as a pale white color. She had never seen anyone loose so much color in their completion. She saw the blood seeping through his black leather jacket, and gash that he had taken to his abdomen.

"We need to get you to a hospital!" She breathed. She went to stand up, but before she could he grabbed her wrist.

"No hospital." His voice was raspy. "No hospital! They-they'll fin-d" He erupted into a fit of coughing. Claire starred at him dumbfounded. She was no doctor. How was she supposed to take care of him on her own?


	3. Catch A Falling Star

_Are they ashamed of their loathsome conduct? No. They have no shame at all; they do not even know how to blush._

_So they will fall among the fallen;they will be brought down when they are punished. Says the Lord._

_**Jeremiah 8:12**_

* * *

Shadows..The dim lights flickered in the room. Sawyer lay atop her bed, shaking. She had managed to clean up most of the wounded areas, and hoped that infection would not worsen. She wanted to call someone but she did not know who she could call. From a distant room she heard Aaron crying. She sighed, and brushed a strand of her blond hair from her face. Claire glanced at Sawyer before departing from the room, making her exit to the babies room.

She had personally chosen the decorations for Aarons room, and had created the atmosphere herself. She was quite proud of her accomplishments. The room, the smallest room in the house, was painted a light baby blue, and had an ocean theme to it. In a way she needed something to remind her of the experiance. They had all learned to call the island home...

Nonchalantly Claire strided over to the cradle and retrieved Aaron from it, holding him close to her for comfort. He stopped crying almost instantly. Emotions flooded her entire being. Emotions that she did not realize she had. Emotions...overwelming. Did she have feelings for Sawyer? Had they always been there? Gently she walked Aaron back and forth across the rooms length. Singing once again the song that had been sung to her many times as a child.

"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away..."


	4. Visitors

After many sleepless nights Claire was relieved to find that Sawyers fever had broken. The worst was over. Now it was mid after noon as she tip toed back in her bedroom to check on her patient. Cautiously she lay her hand upon his forehead; as if expecting his fever to spike back up at any moment. She sighed relieved to find tha nothing had changed since the previous time that she had checked.

She moved quietly to the window, and opened the curtains. This aloud the suns rays to seep through and dance gracefully in blotches on an opposite wall. Again she heard Aaron begin to cry from down the hall, and as she went to leave the room she froze. There was the familiar sound of the squeak and rustle of her bed. She heard him grunt.

"Drat.." He scoffed. "It was all a dream." Claire struggled to hear the muffled words. She walked back over to the side of the bed. Sawyer shifted his position and ran his hand across hisd eyes. "We were never rescued were we?" He beckoned. "I fell into some wierd coma or something..and it was all a dream?" He prayed he was wrong but he had too know.

"No." He could see her face, heard the familiar sound of Aarons crying. He would never forget that cry. "We were rescued." She assured him. Claire had to chuckle at the thought though; what a horrible night mare that would have been. Sawyer was rightly pleased to hear this.

"So where am I?"

"I'll answer that question and any other questions that you have as soon as I go get Aaron." Sawyer watched as the Australians patite figure departed from the room.

Memories that he had forceably secluded swarmed him. Memories that would be with him forever, memories... The tedious and horrible torture that he Kate, and Jack had been forced to endure after they had been taken as captives by the others. He remember the anger he had felt when Kate had chosen Jack over him. But now; all of that- all of that was in the past. They were back in the real world again. They were civilized.

Claire came back into the bedroom, with Aaron cuddled in her arms. He noticed that she had not changed since he had last seen her. She did not appear a day older than nineteen.

He watched mutely as she took a seat beside him, something about her being there comforted him. Dispite the circumstances that surrounded him.

"First question." The statment made decisively.

"Where am I?" He wanted to get to the point.

"A little town just outside of Lancaster, Pennsylvania." She told him. "So little infact that you probably wouldn't find it on a map."

"Aint that swell."

"The day we were rescued- when our plane landed in LA, I decided that it was best for both myself and Aaron to get as far away from anything that would remind either of us of the island." She explained. "Moving as far away from LA as I could seemed the best possible answer at that time." Sawyer nodded.

"Thats understandable." He told her.

"Yah, well-" Her voice trailed off and suddenly she seemed distant. Like she was back there, reliving everything. Then in almost a seconds time she was back with him. "So I would imagine you're probably hungry then?" Now that he thought about it he was famished.

"Starving." Claire stood to her feet.

"Very good. I'll go make something. Don't go anywhere..." With that she made her exit, once again leaving him alone.

"Where do I got to go?" He asked himself.

XXXX

Claire scanned the contents of her refridgerator. Anyone who would see it would be gravely disapointed in her. Claire presently checked the freezer.

"Salseberry steak and curley fries will have to do." She told herself stirnly. Nonchalantly she retrieved the two frozen bags just as the doorbell rang. Claire sighed, and more forcefully than she had intended slammed the items on her counter top. She made her way to the front door just as the door bell rang again.

"Madison-Conner?" She asked surprised to see two of her neighbors children standing on her door step. The girl was older about twelve, and the boy about nine years old. There skin was tan, and she knew that they were of Hawian discent. "Is something wrong?"

"No." The older one, Madison, assured her. Conner handed her a flyer.

"Whats this?"

"Its a flyer for our play. We'll be preforming it at our church this sunday and we wanted to know if you would come."

"Well- I uh-" She was hesitent at first.

"Please!"

"Well ok." What harm could there be in it?

"Good! Told yah so.." Remarked Madison. Conner snorted.

"So-- look all the information is on the flyer! We've got to go though mom is expecting us for dinner. Bye Claire!"

"Yeah glad you're coming."

"Bye guys." Claire watched as they ran off towards home. Unsure of what she was in store for.

* * *

Authors Note:Sorry typed this up before Lost not going to bother to spellcheck 


	5. My Greatest Turmoil is From Within

Authors Note: I don't own anything just the story.

_Father forgive them..._

Then the intensified scream which surrounded the entire room, and then silence. The lights on the stage blackened, and the actors moved from the stage, making room for the Pastor to stand behind the pulpit. Claire felt a tugging at her heart, with an already used tissue she dried her eyes. The lights came back on, only this time they were normal. The pastor was there, the elderly mans eyes were misty and it was evident that he himself had been crying.

"Can we give the drama troupe a hand?" He asked the congregation, which immediatly resulted in applause. He waited patiently for the room to silence again before he continued speaking. Claire glanced over at Sawyer who was sitting next to her in the pew. She wanted to see what his reaction to the play had been. He seemed, adgitated, distant, secluded. His emotionless gaze was fixated on the man on stage. She wondered what he was thinking. Claire returned her attention now to Pastor Bradley, the father of the two children who had invited her this evening. Bradley cleared his throat.

"What a powerfull reminder of the sacrafice that Christ made for us." He said as he flipped through several pages in his Bible. "I promise I'm not going to keep you much longer tonight, but I would like you now to turn to the gospel of Luke. I'll be reading from chapter thirteen starting with verse two." The sound of rustled pages could be heard. Claire found herself wishing that she owned a Bible.

**Then Jesus went through the towns and villages**

**Teaching as he made his way to Jerusalem**

**Someone asked him:"Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?"**

**He said to them: "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door; **

**Because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to."**

**Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door; you will**

**Stand outside knocking and pleading: "Sir open the door for us!"**

**But he will answer:I don't know you or where you come from."**

**"Then you will say," '"We ate and drank with you and you taught**

**In our streets.  
**

**But he will reply: "I don't know you or where you come from,**

**Away from me all you evildoers."**

**"There will be weeping there, and gnashing of teeth, when you see**

**Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom**

**Of God but you yourselves thrown out. People will come **

**From the east and west and north and south and will take their place**

**at the feast in the kingdom of God.**

**Indeed there are those who are last who will be first**

**And first who will be last.**

He paused, looking up from the Bible, and took a moment as if reflecting on the words. He looked out in the audiance looking into the eyes, and almost hearts of the people sitting before him. What was he going to say? Somehow she knew she needed to hear it.

"I know most of you sitting in this room tonight. I was there the day that you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. I know that you're doing your best to serve Him with all of your hearts and might." He stopped, and took a brief sip of water, then continued. "For those of you who have already made this descision I look forward to the day where we will spend eternity with eachother praising God, singing, dancing before Him. Without conflict, without fear, without ceasing. But for those of you who have not yet made the choice to follow Jesus I want you to please pay attention to what I am about to say. If you have any doubts about wheather or not there is a heaven or hell I would like to assure you that there is. You can find all the evidance you need written in the pages of this book." He held up his Bible. "I believe that Jesus Christ is the owner of the house in this parable. I believe he is warning us that if you ignore his calling long enough that the door will be closed...but tonight I'm asking you to please before its too late make the choice to follow him. Lay your burdens at his feet, addmit your sins, because we all have sinned. We were all born sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. But when Jesus Christ died on the cross two thousand years ago he created a way for us to -to have a second chance. You want to know what is the most humbling thought for me?" He asked. " That I should have been the one to die on that cross. They should have been my nails! They should have been my scars, my crown of thorns...but no. Ladies and gentlemen, the play does not end there. For three days later Christ rose from the dead, rolled away the stone from the tomb that he had been barried in. He's alive today. He loves us.. all of us. And he's waiting for you to accept him as your personal Lord and savior. He's a father to the fatherless, a friend to the friendless..He's all sufficient. Everything you need. I would like to open the alter now, for those of you would like the chance to repent of your sins and take up your cross to follow Jesus. John 3:16 says that "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son that whosover believes in him shall not parish but have ever lasting life..." A pianist had moved to the keyboard and was now playing the melody to an unfamiliar song. Claire wanted to make the comitment. She didn't fully understand everything, but she knew, and was sure of the fact that she wanted a second chance. She wanted to make the choice to follow Christ. "The alter is open now for those who wish to come." He said, the final words. Claire turned to Sawyer.

"Here can you take him?" She asked, refurring to Aaron. Sawyer nodded mutely, and watched as Claire made her way up the isle. The pianist began to sing the words to the melody:

_Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth _

_Would care to know my name _

_Would care to feel my hurt _

_Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star _

_Would choose to light the way _

_For my ever wandering heart _

_Not because of who I am _

_But because of what You've done _

_Not because of what I've done _

_But because of who You are _

_I am a flower quickly fading _

_Here today and gone tomorrow _

_A wave tossed in the ocean _

_Vapor in the wind _

_Still You hear me when I'm calling _

_Lord, You catch me when I'm falling _

_And You've told me who I am _

_I am Yours, I am Yours _

_Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin _

_Would look on me with love and watch me rise again _

_Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea _

_Would call out through the rain _

_And calm the storm in me _

_Not because of who I am _

_But because of what You've done _

_Not because of what I've done _

_But because of who You are _


	6. His Blood Was Shed For Me

_"But -but why?!" Claire cried. He hated hearing her cry._

_"Because I know its the right thing to do. Claire I have to stop- I have to stop running. I have to take responsibility for the sin that I have commited."_

Sawyer shifted uneasily in his sleep; the dream continued.

_"James Ford, this court finds you guilty on the charges of murder."_

Sweat poured down his face. He wanted to wake up. Wanted it all to be over. But he couldn't.

_A desert? Why was he in a desert? People . So many people surrounding him. Laughing. Mocking. Scorning. But why? He had to get to where he could see. What was going on? He pushed his way through the large crowd; when he finally came upon an opening he fell to the ground, after being shoved. He looked up when he felt something trickle down his cheek, and when he saw blood fall to the ground he panicked. A man carrying a cross. The scene, scared him. The man was so badly beaten. He did not even look like a man anymore. He fell now to the ground, dropping the cross, and one of the gaurds pulled Sawyer from the crowd. He shouted angrily._

_"Carry the cross!"_

_"but- " He felt the piercing blow of the whip to his back, and heeded the instructions. The wooden cross was heavy. Heavier than anything he had ever lifted. He carried it untill he was told to stop. And then watched in shamed horror as the man was put upon it. Thick nails driven into his hands and feet. Blood pouring. They lifted the cross, and as they did the man looked into his eyes._

_"I forgive you." He breathed. "James."_

_At the sound of his real name, Sawyer fell to his knees and wept. _

_"I'm sorry..." He cried. "I'm sorry..." The words echoed into the vastness of the desert as the crowd faded and he was alone. But was he?_


	7. I Pray the Lord My Soul To Keep

_He called out. Though no one heard him. He could hear the sounds of thousands of people around him, but it appeared as if there was no one. The feeling of lonliness swept him up in a storm making him become aware of the pain that engulfed him. The unquenchable burning fire. The smell of rot. The feeling of regret that would not subside. He called out but no one heard him. It was too late. Too late. Fire, burning. Regret, overwelming.Alone...alone. Completely alone. Regret. Burning. Alone. Fear. Never ending._

Sawyer shot up. He was wide awake, shivvering. The sweat that poured down his face intense. He looked around the dark room.

"It was just a dream-" He panted. "Just a dream." He was still at Claires home. Sleeping on the sofa. As he calmed down a little, he lay back down. He shut his eyes, but the horrific sight, and sensation returned to him. He woke up again. This time, falling on his knees, his heart swelling.

"I've never prayed before." His tone was low. He was still panting, breathing heavily. "I've never-" He stopped. "I wanna ask if you'd forgive me-" He said. "forgive me for my sins." He knew a little bit, he had been listening the past couple of sundays that he and Claire had attended the church. "Please come and live inside of me." He asked. "I need you- more than I've ever needed anything." He pleaded. "I need you. Please forgive me." At that moment such an overwelming peace flooded him. A peace as if he had never known peace before. After a couple quiet moments of reflection, he crawled back upon the sofa's top. He closed his eyes, and slept.

* * *

Authors Note: Let me know if I should continue??? 


	8. When the Darkness Closes In

Everything from that point on seemed to go smoothly between he and Claire. Life was not nessicarily easier, but it was more full filling. The couple had set aside a time for their own private devotions. Usually when Aaron was taking a nap. However, one day a something happened that would change everything for them. Claire began cleaning up the sandwich things, the smell of the fresh lunch meat stinging her sense of smell. She smiled, as she looked over to the table where Sawyer was playing with Aaron, and he appeared to be enjoying himself. As she threw in some of the lunch meat, Claire laugh lightly, a laugh that only she could hear. Who would have thought that the two of them would be spending so much time together now. It felt to her, almost as if they were married. It had been three months now, and Sawyer had even bought an apartment not far from her home. He loved spending time with Aaron. Suddenly the door bell rang, she watched as Sawyer stood up as if to go answer the call.

"No, sit." She placed two sandwiches in front of him. "I'll get it." He smiled back at her, and sat down in his seat. The sound of her feet sliding against the hardwood floor made an even sound as she went to the door. "I'm coming. I'm coming." She mumbled to herself as the door bell rang again. When she opened the door she was nearly shocked to see who stood on the other side. Two men, well dressed, in their mid forties. One held a badge so she could clearly see what it said.

"Ma'am are you Claire Littleton?"

"Yes thats me."

"Miss Littleton we're looking for James Ford. Names Dirk Wiley, FBI."

"N-no I'm sorry he's not here."

"Do you know where we could find him?" Claire, was obviously hesitent, and the agent clearly noticed.

"Why do you-"

"He's a wanted fugitive if you're protecting him you're only endangering yourself."

"I said I don't know where he is."

"Miss one of your neighbors said they saw him headed this way only about a half an hour ago."

"Well they were wrong." She told him bluntly.

"Do you mind if we come in and look around?"

"Do you have a warrant?" Both agents appeared agitated by the question.

"No."

"Then yes I mind." She heard the sound of Aarons cry from the kitchen. "Look if you don't mind I have to go take care of my son."

"I guess thats all for now. " Replied Wiley disturbed. Claire nodded.

"Good bye then." She closed the door without waiting for a response.


	9. Shaken Trust

Sawyer heard her footsteps coming back through to the kitchen and quickly returned to his seat. Aaron, unknowing that anything was about to happen, smiled at him innocently. The older man sighed, knowing all to well what was about to happen.

"That was the FBI." For the first time Sawyer realized how thick Claire's accent really was. He turned around abruptly to face her, and the anger was clearly evident. Anger, and hurt.

"Really." He said trying to seem passive. However, the comment came off as more arrogance to her than anything else.

"They're looking for you Sawyer. Why?"She asked him. He wished, hoped, prayed that there was some way he could avoid the question. Yet, somehow deep inside, he knew that she already had a faint idea.

"I -"

"I deserve a bloody answer." She roared. It was the first time he had ever seen her loose her temper; and he was done. Done with excuses. Done, with lieing.

"You're right." He answered slowly. "You deserve and answer. An explanation." He began, then he looked to Aaron. "Can we go some where where the kid wont hear us." He pleaded, and Claire glanced at her baby boy. They both knew that the child would not be able to understand anything that they were saying but something about the suggestion just seemed right. Claire nodded, and he followed her to the living room.

"Now." She stated frankly. "Tell me, everything."

"Before I came here I-" He wanted to break it to her gently, but he did not see a way out of getting around the blunt truth of the situation. " Claire, before all of this, if there was any way to take back what I did- what happened, you have to believe me. I would."

"What happened?!" She asked in attempt to withhold her own emotions. "What did you do?"

"I killed a man. Sawyer."

"The news reports?" She asked though he had to strain to hear the words. Somehow it all made sense now and she could not believe how stupid she had been all this time. "I trusted you.." She stammered.


End file.
